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On this video I describe 6 reflective listening strategies you may mix to attain what Chris Voss calls “tactical empathy.”
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The important thing to getting by means of tough conversations isn’t being a greater talker, however being a greater listener.
This lesson was pushed dwelling to me lately after I was studying three totally different books about tough conversations:
1. Troublesome Conversations (http://a.co/d/fqkGXNa)
2. Essential Conversations (http://a.co/d/f9ATF8j)
3. By no means Break up the Distinction (http://a.co/d/ehxD8Xk)
Every of them, sooner or later, recommends reflective listening as the important thing to getting by means of tough conversations.
And so they do not simply suggest one reflective listening approach.
As a substitute, they suggest combining a number of strategies.
As a result of the ability of those strategies is enhanced whenever you use them together.
On this video, I educate you easy methods to mix 6 reflective listening strategies.
source
You ask about what reflective listening techniques I use.. I mirror a lot, and paraphrase a lot. I also use a lot of breaks in my conversation, to promote others need to talk.
I actively practice these things during most conversations..
I completely understand the feedback he received about his use of what he termed minimal encouragers. As he began to advocate for its use as an empathetic listening tool I immediately thought of whenever a person who is supposedly listening to me or someone else speak starts with the hmm, yeah, huh, right, I’ve always found it rudely annoying.
My family is a family of TALKERS. No pauses at all its so stressful. 😣
Content enjoyed.
I struggle to do all of these, but as I watched this video I was spending most of the time thinking about the people I know that do all these things so naturally. It's really amazing to me that some people are just instinctively good at conversations
Mirroring is a double-edged sword, because it's also a way to pretend you were listening when actually your attention had wandered and you only really caught the last few words of what they said. I actually want to teach myself not to use this one because it's too easy to abuse it and mislead the person you are talking with.
Awesome summary. Concise, to the point, thank you
In Japanese, back channel cues are super important. They are called aizuchi. If you don’t use them everything will grind to a halt.
If he could slow down a bit I could stay more with him and get more of what he is saying.
Be careful with mirroring. I knew someone who would repeat the last sentence of everything I said.
It was not effective.
It was not effective.
It was weird.
It was weird.
Also, I have noticed that backchanneling is so natural, that the absence of it, speaks volumes.
I noticed when I am talking with people I don't mesh with, or that I might be slightly annoyed with, I don't do it as often, and sometimes, if I am down right angry , will not at all.
very helpful ..thanks
@2:22
These are all very great techniques and often times I find myself in very long conversations because people do like to talk about themselves. But will you please make a video on how to end a conversation without being awkward?
Thank you!
Tq. I learn again to be human at 45
Let me get this straight, you would like every one to subscribe to your channel and turn on the notification bell so your channel can grow and be more successful. This must be hard and frustrating for you knowing that most people don’t listen and just walk away not doing it. I’m so sorry you feel this way.
Paraphrasing sounds like you’re mocking someone. I hate when someone does that to me. Very artificial and learned from a book. The conversation ends very quickly.
When I conduct Interviews with crime victims I always combine mirroring with paraphrasing.
Loved this video. I need to work on pausing longer 🤦🏽♀️ I definitely do most of the other things especially in business. I think pausing long is something I don't realize bc my work environment and school ..I always been around free flowing thoughts and conversations. What can I do to turn it 📴 with my partner. It annoys him
Hi Bruce, thanks for your interesting vids. But why are you fronsing your forehead when speaking ? A habit ? A style of being serious and focused ?
I use backchannel reflection in texts as well 😅😅. Like if some say something i just type hm, oh, really. I feel like to have an organic interaction through text i use emoji and use back channel reflection to express my reaction as accurately as possible, as the saying goes ‘what you read is not what i meant’
My family was/is so bad at communication. Their attitude seemed to be that you said what you wanted, no response needed. Trying to get any response from them was like pulling teeth, forget them ever asking anything. The silence after speaking left me feeling embarrassed, self-conscious, irritated, maybe angry. Definitely feel disconnected, no interest, maybe "judged". Relationships were largely superficial, very little of any real depth/sharing or especially emotions.
He gets started at 2:30
I think in your presentation the critics are really in a shared listening space, but if they were the ones talking they wouldn't mind it. I have never been criticized for backchannel cues but when I heard a recording I was very displeased with it.
Also the Japanese (when I was an English teacher online for a bit) are so pronounced in this that I thought they might be mocking me at first. But looking at them I could tell it was genuine which blew me away.
Also there is a Russian traditional community I frequent and it would be quite impolite to guess their emotions, because this would violate a kind of inner secrecy everyone expects to be kept.
I need to use more pauses in my small talks. Guilty of not giving enough opportunities to air their own opinions. Hmm thank you Chris.
I use minimal encouragers. Some people accuse me of being to agreeable because I do this. Think I’ll start trying mirroring or paraphrasing to help me better understand what they are talking about.
Thank you so much 🥰
Yes yes, uh huh, ok. So you would like me to like and subscribe, I see.
Exactly.
Nailed it.
Everything in moderation… Labeling emotions can be a pitfall for some. A friend I have is on the spectrum and is constantly labeling emotions (incorrectly) mid conversation. She also uses the gentle encouragers like whack-a-mole. 😂
Have a guy at work that always says "is that right?", lol.